Adopting with CHD


Before COVID19 began we had started our Foster Parenting classes. We attended the orientation and learned a lot! Once we moved to the county we will be permanently living in we were excited to begin the classes. Then the Coronavirus hit and everything shut down.

In the interim, I still enjoy reading articles and watching videos of inspiring Foster & Adopting stories, which a couple are posted below. I also read and watch the not-so inspiring stories of people “keeping it real” for newbies. All are very much appreciated, especially those who are not afraid to share the raw reality of what it’s like being a foster parent, just as I do living with CHD.


As CHD affects literally every single aspect of my life, becoming a parent is a HUGE decision. Although I’ve gotten real life experience of what motherhood would be like with my condition due to 12 years of being a nanny and caregiver for both healthy and special needs children, teens, and adults as well as fostered three children for one year as a temporary emergency situation; this would be to build a permanent family. So, naturally I wonder, "can I physically handle this?" I know the physical struggles of having an infant and toddler, those ages were my specialty as a nanny. However, I learned so much about myself physically and mentally through my many years of nannying and being a caregiver in the disabled community.


Many people I have noticed have this “just do it, you’ll figure it out along the way” type attitude whether that be financially or regarding the mental and physical health of becoming a parent. If that works, that's awesome for those it does, it's just not me and the best thing I think a human can do is go into anything knowing what they are capable of whether that is figuring everything out along the way or preparing and planning everything along the way. I am person #2 when it comes to big decisions, yet person #1 when it comes to daily life and non-permanent decisions. So, I feel I can understand a little bit of both.


Before my thirties, there was nothing about me that jumped into anything even potentially permanent, for example: relationships, jobs, college degree, you name it I tried it and didn’t commit in fear of hurting whoever was on the other end of that commitment if I randomly died. Plus, my filter in life was: "what's the point if I'm dying soon anyway?" So, I have not only had an extremely exciting, wild, crazy life with that kind of filter; I've also been quite the commitment-phobe up until a few years ago when I met a man who helped me see a different side of myself and love.


Due to being born with an unpredictable, always potentially terminal illness, I had mastered pushing guys away to keep them from falling in love with a “sick girl.” I’d always tell them, “trust me, you don’t want to stay with me, I don’t know how long I have and you don’t deserve to be dragged on this journey of not knowing.” Unless he was an asshole…I mean, I didn’t feel as bad for them (which is why I dated so many assholes). But good guys!? Oh man, “stay away from me, you deserve a healthy girl!” I’d assure them. And most that worked on, but some it didn’t. The man I’m marrying wanted to be with me whether that meant a few months or a few years. He was always willing to gamble on the hope it’d be his entire lifetime…and so far, we are 5 years in, I’m doing great and he ended up proving me wrong.


With that said, now deciding to permanently stay in one relationship and be married has been a hard enough decision and journey. On top of that, becoming a parent is a decision that has taken me years to make as well. Now that I have a life partner to do this parenting thing with and met someone who is exactly like me – not getting himself into anything we aren’t fully prepared for mentally, physically (as much as we can), and financially – has been a lot of help because we agree on pretty much everything on all the “big” subjects in life. He has different reasons for why he is the way he is that makes perfect sense to me, and it’s crazy how similar we are. I truly never thought I’d meet a healthy man who actually truly understands me. We feel excited about our future together whether we decide to have kids or not and are excited about our wedding (that we had to extend another year due to Coronavirus).

So, as of now, we are not sure when we will actually become official parents since we had to move our wedding date, and unsure of how long it will take to finish our Foster classes when they open back up and then have no idea how long it will take to actually adopt. I have had to convince myself it's okay to be an "older mom" and have faith everything is in perfect timing. I think being a mom in my mid to late thirties will end up being awesome and we will be able to provide a life by two amazing, wise, cool parents that we wouldn't have been in our twenties or early thirties.


It is so nice to know there are so many couples and singles out there adopting over 40 years old and able to raise children happily! Especially since I can always relate more to “older” people physically and mentally, this subject is especially helpful and inspiring!


As our adoption journey unfolds I will of course be sharing it, so stay tuned and keep your eyes peeled by following my Author & Coaching Public Page for announcements about my book this year! Lots of exciting new things in 2020!


Do you have a story to share?

To share how you have been living your Quarantine Life OR if you'd like to share your Fostering, Adopting, or Birth Journey or have any helpful information you'd like to share to help me, please e-mail: Stephanie@CHDLegacy.com.


Check out these inspiring stories below:

"ADOPTING AT 40, 50, 60"

"ADOPTION BOF OLDER CHILDREN BY PEOPLE IN MIDLIFE"


Stay safe during this Pandemic!


Stephanie Romer

HLHS, 1985

Founder of CHD Legacy Publishing


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